how to make a kid swear

1. make him think he can get away with breaking the major rules, such as the no-beach-or-river-excursion policy during the school year weekends.

therefore, pretend you don't notice how toasted he and his brother are from frolicking at the beach the weekend after you verbally issued the reminder.

2. then, pin them on their "crime" one weekend. be cool and wait for them to come home. then confront them. expect that they will lie so be ready with the big mirror and your checklist. toasted? yes. red eyes? yes. dry skin? yes. salty skin? yes.

3. pretend you're upset, then act really angry. get your thickest belt. howl. then ask them to kneel. but don't hit them with the belt -- they're expecting it. instead, make them kneel on salt, their arms raised forward.

make them see the irony: they are kneeling on solid seawater. expect that they will wince. the younger brother will definitely cry just by the sight of the belt. he may actually be bawling by the time he kneels on the pile of salt. the older one's eyes will glisten at most, but he is probably quietly defiant.

4. confront them about the other weekends they were on the beach, especially the weekend right after after you issued the edict. pretend you're more angry now. heave a heavy sigh. the younger one will readily admit and point to his older brother as the mastermind. the older one will keep still, willing himself not to betray emotions.

5. order them to stand up and to strip everything. then, order them to march outside the house, never mind the pain in their knees.

6. outside the house, make them stand next to each other, arms raised sideward. then order them to lift one leg, a la karate kid. never mind their playmates flocking around them now, laughing.

7. keep them in this position for about ten minutes. threaten more punishment if they so much as move.

never mind the younger one wailing now - a mixture of pain and shame from other playmates ogling at his naked body will maybe do him good.

8. focus attention on the older one. see his eyes sharpen, his eyebrows meet. pay attention to the twitching of his face. this is your sign: his pride is wounded and his shame is exposed.

9. single him out now: ask him sternly if he will do it again! demand an answer. then watch his lips closely. note the quivering and the deliberate "no".

you did it. he just thought: give me ten years, i'm gonna make you kneel, old man.